Always The Victim

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I was re-watching ‘The Unit’ and an episode came up that just reminded me of what had happened to me last year. Firstly, The Unit is a great show, unfortunately it got axed but I hadn’t watched it in a couple of years. My perception of the episode a couple years back was completely innocent. But now… it’s just a horrible reminder of what happened a few weeks after my birthday.

Not to leave you all in suspense, but the story, no, the recount I’m about to tell will be given in more detail another time. For now, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I’ve sort of accepted it, well I accepted it a long time ago but it makes senses now to finally tell someone.

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I was on campus at our main library with 3 of my closest friends. It was just the start of the second semester last year and we thought we would be good and start our revisions early. We planned to study til late that day and I really wish I didn’t decide to lie to them and ‘quickly pop out to go meet a friend’. Me and Mr happinesseveryday from sugardaddymeet.com finally set a date to meet and he told me he could only see me in the city at 6pm. That later changed to 7pm and waiting around for his call at central turned it into 7:30pm.

I was being careful, yes it was getting late but the city is a busy place at that hour too. But when we met, he was sitting in his FWD at the carpark and it was freezing. I had a see through top and a pencil skirt on. A threw on my thin grey cardi but that still wasn’t enough. After much banter he convinced me to stay warm in his car. More banter and he convinced me he’d drive us to a coffee shop he knew. I was still naive and didn’t realise where we were going until he pulled into the drive way of a motel on Parramatta Rd.

By then I had started to try and leave. I didn’t know exactly where I was or how I was going to get back but I was scared. He passively persuaded me into his room and before I knew it he wanted my clothes off. We sat there for what felt like hours but was only half an hour going back and forth. I would say ‘no’ but he would go on and on trying to convince me why it makes sense to fuck an obese, 50 year old.

Let’s just say, he couldn’t convince me to screw him willingly, so he screwed me anyway.

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I didn’t cry after, I teared up during, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry the next day, or a month later. I have yet to waste my tears over it and I have yet to tell anyone. But I did feel disgusting, violated, dirty and unworthy. I blamed myself a lot, I still think if i had just walked away from the very start then I wouldn’t have felt so horrible.

I want others who have gone through the same to speak to someone. Anyone. I’m not strong enough to tell someone personally but I feel my blog is a good start. I don’t want pity from anyone who reads this, I just wanted to get it off my chest for the first time.

Sx

 

Lets Talk Guys

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BEFORE YOU READ: Girls only, don’t say I didn’t warn you boys.

Now a days, technology has become such a strong part of sex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about vibrators, rather dating websites, Facebook, eharmony, Tinder, Blendr, seriously the list is long. It is so easy to add an application onto my phone, sign up, add a few pretty pictures and pick and choose some random guy who is more than happy to, how should I put it, fuck you.

WARNING: I’m not saying all guys are pigs, there’s quite a lot of very nice, genuine, decent guys. But I’m going to have to put it out there, a lot of you are pigs, or will be a pig during some stage of your life. Women, you’re no different too but replace pig with crazy bitch.

Now I wasn’t abused by a male relative or anything like that, I’ve just met so many guys who play the ‘nice guy role‘ all to help themselves not feel like an asshole, while completely screwing with my unguarded feelings. So over the many years of dealing with this, I’ve built a wall. I’m rude, straight forward and bossy, and apparently guys still like that. I tell them to take their pants off, they’ll do it. I tell them to put on my bright pink dress, they’ll do it. I tell them to make a fool out of themselves, they’ll still do it. I don’t understand why, maybe they think I will exchange all this for some sex, maybe they think they have the upper hand. Either way, rude, obnoxious and whiny works better than sweet, soft and cute.

So getting to the point, I don’t have one. I’m just fed up with assholes, nice guys who are really assholes, nice guys who act nice but are unintentionally assholes. It seems I prefer straight forward assholes. The guys who straight up will tell me, I just want sex and I’m going to use you for it. See that’s okay with me. At least he’s warned me, no feelings get in the way. But the ones who talk to you, get to know you, give a little about themselves to you, take you out for lunch, meet your friends, drive you home. It’s those guys you need to watch out for. His intentions will still be sex and using you for it, but he’s too scared of coming off as an asshole so he’ll just act like a gentleman. Then he’ll send you a ‘DICK PIC’ one random morning because this process is taking too long.

At least my sugar daddy’s were straight forward and our arrangements were clear. Plus I got a lot of money out it. These other guys, all I’ve gotten from them is…nothing, well except for Chlamydia.

Sx

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Seeking Arrangment

SugarDaddyMeet.com wasn’t working to well. Besides Oliver, all I had to choose from was a very young (in comparison to the hundreds of other 40-50 year old men), clingy Italian man and a couple of 40 married, slightly heavy men. I Googled ‘Sugar Daddy’ again and searched for a new website to sign up to, expand my search for a sugar daddy.

Seeking Arrangement caught my eye. I remember reading about it in a blog and a couple of internet reviews all recommending it. I had always thought it was an American website, but it was actually international. It was quite impressive; it was available to almost all countries around the world. The sign up was very simple at first glance, email, password and birthday. I filled those in quickly and it led me to a very long questionnaire to fill in. A part of me really didn’t want to go through another long questionnaire about myself, but most of the longer questions I had already wrote a response for SugarDaddyMeet. It didn’t actually take that long, and before I knew it, I sent my profile through for approval and uploaded the same photos I used for SugarDaddyMeet. I received instant access to the rest of the website but I wasn’t able to search. The confirmation email I received explained I needed my profile to be verified and approved before I could start searching, including two appropriate photos. Seeking Arrangement seemed more thorough, their website advertised verification of all members.

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It took two days for my profile to go through. Once my profile and photos got approved the emails started pouring in again. There was ‘Papabear’ a 50 something year old ‘pappy looking for a baby’. Gross isn’t it? Then I got a wink and a ‘Hello’ email from John who gave me permission to view his private photos. He only had one photo uploaded, a cropped image of his large, hairy beer gut stomach and oddly large brown nipples. And finally, a line up of men who used very old photos of themselves. There were those who took a photo of a photo with the flash still on, and there were those who scanned their old fashion print out photos. Seeking Arrangement wasn’t offering anything different to SugarDaddyMeet, it was just a little more professional.

Among all the emails from SugarDaddyMeet and SeekingArrangement a flagged ‘important’ email popped up. It was Oliver. I had marked all his emails as important and any future emails from him would stand out.

…No .. I’ve never had a sugarbaby before. Have you ever had a sugardaddy? 
Oh right .. how much time does escorting take up? I really wouldn’t know I can say in all honesty. So sugardaddymeet was a happy compromise for you? I’m afraid you probably have got offers of financial assistance greater than mine?  

Oliver x 
PS .. here is another pic if you like! It was taken recently in Solomon Islands .. 
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He didn’t explain why he hadn’t replied at his normal time but his casual reply soothed away the crazy scenarios I had pictured. It was late when I read the reply, I was relieved he had finally responded but exhausted with my side search for other sugar daddies. I took a peak at the photo he attached and almost jumped for joy. I still to this day don’t know what it was exactly that made this photo amazing, but I think it may have been the realness of the photo. A cloudy beach day, the wind passing through the trees in back and his hair. A wide eyed smile and casual beach wear. It was a little unfocused, the photo was probably taken by someone who didn’t really know how to use cameras. A very realistic photo of a very possible Sugar Daddy.
Sx
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Apologies

Many apologies for not posting in so long. I thought I should explain myself and share the good news that I will have a post up by the end of today and my blog will become regular again.

Unfortunately I have been dealing with a lot of personal battles including body image issues and self worth problems. Sprinkle in a large work load from uni and you’ve got yourself no time to blog. However now that I’ve sorted most of the problems, I’m driven again to write.

Much Love,

Sx

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300 DOLLARS

Over the course of just a day Oliver and I had exchanged a number of emails and I had already learnt so much about him and him about me.

Hi Summer

Yeah I was thinking the same thing – nice we contacted each other at the same time! 🙂

I guess I’d ask first of all what you do (study perhaps?) and where you live in Sydney? I’m at Rose Bay, so I guess I was hoping to find someone in the eastern suburbs.. ??

But I definitely agree with your approach of finding someone fun and interesting! Work is pretty busy for me these days, so would love someone friendly and easygoing I could meet up with once or twice a week and just hang out with. Hopefully someone a bit interesting! And yes, in return, I would offer an allowance.
Oliver x

I told him I was studying a Bachelor of Science full time at the University of Sydney and assured him I didn’t live to far from him. I asked about his work and what his busy schedule might look like.

Could you also expand on the allowance part?” My answers and questions were building to one topic really. I was curious how much he would want to pay for a newbie. I didn’t want to suggest an amount first just in case it was too low and I miss out on extra cash.

Hey again!

That’s cool – studying science at Sydney! 🙂  
You’re not too far away! Sounds possible anyway .. Do you live with your folks?
I work for the NSW Parliament and it can be busy work, especially when parliament sits late into the evening.

And responding to your question, I guess in an ideal world, you could come over once a week after uni (maybe Monday evenings because parliament definitely doesn’t sit late that night). I know the nature of the site – sure I’d love a partner, and in return would offer you say $300? But as you say – I would hope to genuinely get on with you as a friend too. And I’m sure I could drive you home too if you caught the bus from Sydney uni to Rose Bay.

Oliver x

I took my phone out and hit the calculator app. Oliver wasn’t very clear how long an evening would be. If it was a couple of hours I would be making a lot of money an hour. But if an evening included dinner and entertainment like a movie or a ‘long walk along the beach’, that would take about a generous 5 hours. Then I would only be making $60 an hour. However it was still a lot higher than my wage as a sales assistant and I would just get to hang out with a new friend and be paid to do so. ‘I guess for a newbie $300 is a good start.’

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We continued emailing throughout the week. Oliver would normally reply towards the end of the day, around 6 or 7 in the evening. I assumed it was on the way home after work because it almost seemed it would fit into his busy schedule. I asked more about his work and eventually we got on to the topic of why we were both on the site.

‘Professional girls’ were discouraged quite strongly on the website. When signing up there was a warning advising anyone who was a professional prostitute or escort using the website to find work would face legal consequences. Even on a few profiles, men would add a small side note asking not to be contacted by these girls. So I didn’t want  to come off as one these girls and lose a great opportunity but at the same time I wasn’t like them.

There are lots of things I’d be curious to know about you. But perhaps not being too intrusive, why did you join this site? You don’t have a boyfriend at the moment?
Oliver x

Well to be honest, there are two reasons, the first being the concept of the site. It’s very intriguing and different and I like that! Second, it’s an alternative to what I was going to go into previously. No boyfriend at the moment, I haven’t met the right person yet. I know that sounds very cheesy but it’s the main reason. 

May I ask why you joined the site?
Summer Xx

Ha ha .. yes the concept of the site is a bit intriguing. Different to normal dating sites anyway! What were you going to go into previously if I can ask? An RSVP-type site?

I joined just to try something different. I joined after my last relationship ended. That was a while ago now, but now trying to give this site a proper go! 🙂

Btw – if you’d like to chat more by email, rather than here, my address is opet5892@hotmail.com
Oliver xx

How do I explain to a complete stranger I was thinking of becoming a prostitute?Honesty is usually the best policy, but stretching the truth works better sometimes. I replaced prostitute with escort and my response was already looking less seedy.

Hey, 

Hope i got the email address right, or else this might get awkward hahaha 

Have you ever had a ‘sugarbaby’ before? 

I was going to go into private escorting, but that required way to much time. Time that i didn’t have. Financial assistance was another reason I joined the site. Forgot to mention that before. hahaha

Summer xx

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The evening came and I hadn’t received an email from Oliver like usual. I was a little worried Oliver thought the ‘escorting’ was a little too much, but it was still early and he did mention he was a busy man. My phone would go off with Facebook messages and WhatsApp notifications but no email notification. Midnight approached and I still didn’t receive anything from Oliver. I had class the next day and couldn’t afford to stay up any later.

I closed my eyes and curled up in my sheets.My brain lit up and started going through the possible scenarios that would stop Oliver from emailing me. He was just stranger but he had already made an influence on my life.

Sx

And Then There Was Oliver…

My disgust after Richard’s email had passed and I was back on the hunt for my sugar daddy. I selected the same options ‘I am a sugar baby [female] seeking a sugar daddy, age: from 25 to 50, region: New South Wales’ and crossed my fingers as I pressed search. The first page had the same men I had seen from before, maybe a couple of new profiles with no photos. I moved onto the next page and I quickly scrolled down to the bottom of the page, I was certain it was the same men from page 2 as last time.

But one new profile caught my eye. I scrolled back up, Oliver2958. He used a slightly angled head shot as his display picture, probably taken on his phone. Oliver had short dirty blonde hair, big blue grey eyes and a well defined chin. I was immediately drawn and clicked on his profile to learn more. He was 37, lived in the slightly west north shore, non smoker, and a social drinker. What was different though was his assets were double his income. I hadn’t seen such a large gap between income and assets, especially a higher asset value. I didn’t think too much about it though, my priority was the physical, then I’ll worry about compatibility and money.

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Since I was so use to receiving emails from men expressing interest, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ‘make the first move’. I didn’t want to come across to eager but at the same time I didn’t want Oliver to miss my profile, so I sent a wink option. That would definitely grab his attention without me having to write an awkward introduction email.

I continued to go through a few more pages, but after page 6 I gave up. The search results hadn’t changed too much and the new profiles with photos were appealing but I needed to see what they looked like. I logged into my Gmail and checked my emails. I got more emails from the website, spam from online boutiques and an email from Oliver2958. I opened it straight away, “He responded quickly” I thought, that must be a good sign.

Subject: Hello (SugarDaddyMeet.com)

Hello! I just was reading about you…thought you sounded very down to earth. Great pic too!
Was wondering if you liked the profile of me?

It wasn’t as detailed as Richard’s email but it certainly wasn’t as horrible as the first email I had received from ‘ECLECTICMAN’. I saw the date and time of the email and noticed he had sent the email 20 minutes before I even sent out the wink. Another sign! I didn’t even need to grab his attention, he had already noticed me.

I got another email from Oliver but this time in response to the wink.

Subject: wink

Hey – thanks for the wink! In fact I just sent you a message. Hope you got it…

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I hit reply, I couldn’t pass this opportunity.

Subject: Re: wink

Hey Oliver,
Yeah sorry didn’t see your message, but it’s a good sign I winked at you before seeing you message.

I’m interested in what you have to offer, I’m looking for something fun and interesting I guess.
Do you have any questions for me?
Summer xx

This was my first interaction with another member and I really had no clue how to structure my response. All I knew was I wanted Oliver to email back and the reply I sent should almost guarantee at least some sort of response. Little did I know it would be the start of an amazing sugar baby, sugar daddy relationship…

Sx

Stifler’s Mum (Sugar Mummies)

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So a friend of mine brought up a rather interesting question, is there a female version of a sugar daddy?

There was always the female sugar daddy option on the websites I visited and used. However because I had signed up as a female sugar baby seeking male sugar daddy I wasn’t able to access the ‘other side‘. But from a lot of Googling and reading stories, I think I’ve gathered enough information to give a general description?

Warning: I may be wrong but I think I’m almost right.

Sugar mummy or more commonly used and known as cougars. I believe there is a slight difference between a sugar mummy and a cougar as well. A sugar mummy is definitely closer to a sugar daddy than a cougar.

A cougar is an older woman who dates younger gentlemen. These relationships can vary a lot, they may involve an arrangement similar to sugar daddies, but more commonly, just a dating or relationship sort of arrangement. A sugar mummy would be more indefinite an arrangement where money is exchanged for time and services (mostly including sex).

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Unfortunately, sugar mummies aren’t as popular or well known. As a result when looking for websites similar to the ones I use (except the other way round), there were barely any. The top of Google’s search list is a wedding cake business and the rest were either Facebook pages or American sugar mummy services (still quite low). You’re most likely better off going onto a sugar daddy website and reversing the sign up and search. Male sugar baby searching for a sugar mummy.

Good luck male sugar babies!

Sx