Hot Billionaire, Where Are You?

‘About me.’ Hmm, that was tricky to fill in. ‘I’m a single 2- year old student who enjoys a mix of indoor and outdoor activities…’ delete. I wanted to sound some what professional but still be myself.

‘I’m a single 2- year old student, barely scrapping through life hahaha. My degree isn’t too demanding so I’m quite flexible with time at the moment. But just after something different, casual, fun and exciting. I have a wide range of interests, a mixer of outdoor adventures, indoor dinning or even just lunch would be lovely. But up for anything at the moment. Don’t hesitate to message me if we’re after the same thing!(Ps When I say I’m 5’9″, I’m closer to 5’10”. I’m quite tall, and that can be difficult for some people. Just keep that in mind. Don’t want to shock you when I meet you 🙂 )’.

I read it over, double checked my spelling and sent it through. I wasn’t 100% happy with it but I wanted to start searching for my sugar daddy. ‘I am a sugar baby [female] seeking a sugar daddy, age: from 25 to 50, region: New South Wales’. Then I pressed search. My internet seemed slower than usual, the anticipation was killing me.

Top of the list was ‘inneedoffun’, he was 39, married and earns $200,000+. He looked okay; his photo was a little small and blurry though. But he was married, and I could never get in the middle of a marriage.

There were just an endless lists of balding men, men older than my dad, and the rest had no photos what so ever or just very vague dodgy profiles. “Maybe I have to refine my search a little more.” So I went back and lowered the age down to a maximum of 40. Forty is a better age, old enough to have peaked in their career resulting in lots of income but young enough to not be greying and still look hot. Same sort of results came up, just less men with grey hair and more profiles with no photos. It was getting late and I had a full day coming up. Clearly my search for a rich George Clooney look-alike wasn’t going to happen immediately. So I turned my laptop off and went back to bed.Image

The first few days I watched my phone and laptop, checking my Gmail account every 5 minutes. That morning I woke up after finalising my account, I had been flooded with winks, being put on to a favourites list and emails expressing interests. I was quite surprised at the response, I didn’t think the cliché ‘struggling university student’ charade would be appealing. But at the same time I had made myself as general as possible to keep my options opened and be able to choose from a wider selection of men.

My first email was from ECLECTICMAN. He was just as old as my dad, but a lot wealthier.

how are you,so tell me more about your slef.do u have more pics 
lets meet,few Lychee martinis,fun etc 
————–@gmail.com 

All I could think was ‘you have got to be fucking kidding me’. The man has no clue about grammar, doesn’t even double check what he’s written. I was blown away at the idea that someone claiming to have an infinite bank account could write such an unattractive message.

I opened up another email, with subject: Fun times.

Hi I’m Matt and I would love to chat and get to know you. I am looking for someone who is fun, passionate, adventurous, open-minded and with a good sense of humour. I will spoil her in many ways and I have a lot to offer. I hope you are interested in knowing more so message me and lets see if we hit it off. 
Matt

It was an improvement. Grammar was significantly better, the message was more thought out. So I checked out Matt’s profile. Sydney, 39, income not disclosed, 5’6”, non-smoker.  Not too bad, except when I enlarged his picture, I closed his profile down almost straight away. He wasn’t lock the door and throw away the key hideous; but he was losing his hair, a few extra pounds around his waist to be polite; he looked like one of my girlfriend’s dad. I kept Matt as an option, but I was sure there would be more out there suited to my taste.

I received an essay long email from Richard. I didn’t want to bother reading the whole because the first thing I noticed was his age, 65. From the little small icon sized photo profile photo I could already see his hair was white, not grey with a little bit of black, not grey, all white. He wore a blue shirt a couple sizes to big probably because of his very skinny frame and he was at that age where his posture couldn’t stay straight. I don’t try to be picky, I don’t mean to be picky and when I am, I believe I have a right to be picky. This man was 65 years old and uses the $2.50 pensioner transport ticket. He mentioned having coffee, and intelligent conversations. Then as I got sucked into reading more, he slipped in ‘sex’. I was not about to go on coffee dates with a 65 pensioner let alone have sex with him. I didn’t even know men that age could still have sex. Why does a 65 year old want a 20 something year old. Richard’s email lead me to take a short break from all the emails.

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 I had spent every possible waking moment carefully going through every email I received. Sorting them from into ‘Urgh no way’, ‘Maybe’ and ‘Ooo definitely a cutie’. I went and bought a little small, cheap notebook from the newsagent and scribbled their names, age and location down. Then I marked in red what category I thought they belonged in and the reasons why. It was hard filling the ‘Ooo definitely a cutie’ section. Most that expressed interest were either too old, too fat, or too creepy. It was hard trying to find a guy young enough to still look attractive but old enough to still be able to afford me.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting a man who I would find revolting to get so close to me. There’s only so much fake laughing and smiling I could possibly do and if I wanted a long term sugar daddy, sugar baby arrangement then I needed someone I would feel comfortable around, and the first step to achieving that would be to find a decent looking man. It seemed the smoking hot billionaire was a little out of reach.

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