girl

Always The Victim

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I was re-watching ‘The Unit’ and an episode came up that just reminded me of what had happened to me last year. Firstly, The Unit is a great show, unfortunately it got axed but I hadn’t watched it in a couple of years. My perception of the episode a couple years back was completely innocent. But now… it’s just a horrible reminder of what happened a few weeks after my birthday.

Not to leave you all in suspense, but the story, no, the recount I’m about to tell will be given in more detail another time. For now, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I’ve sort of accepted it, well I accepted it a long time ago but it makes senses now to finally tell someone.

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I was on campus at our main library with 3 of my closest friends. It was just the start of the second semester last year and we thought we would be good and start our revisions early. We planned to study til late that day and I really wish I didn’t decide to lie to them and ‘quickly pop out to go meet a friend’. Me and Mr happinesseveryday from sugardaddymeet.com finally set a date to meet and he told me he could only see me in the city at 6pm. That later changed to 7pm and waiting around for his call at central turned it into 7:30pm.

I was being careful, yes it was getting late but the city is a busy place at that hour too. But when we met, he was sitting in his FWD at the carpark and it was freezing. I had a see through top and a pencil skirt on. A threw on my thin grey cardi but that still wasn’t enough. After much banter he convinced me to stay warm in his car. More banter and he convinced me he’d drive us to a coffee shop he knew. I was still naive and didn’t realise where we were going until he pulled into the drive way of a motel on Parramatta Rd.

By then I had started to try and leave. I didn’t know exactly where I was or how I was going to get back but I was scared. He passively persuaded me into his room and before I knew it he wanted my clothes off. We sat there for what felt like hours but was only half an hour going back and forth. I would say ‘no’ but he would go on and on trying to convince me why it makes sense to fuck an obese, 50 year old.

Let’s just say, he couldn’t convince me to screw him willingly, so he screwed me anyway.

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I didn’t cry after, I teared up during, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry the next day, or a month later. I have yet to waste my tears over it and I have yet to tell anyone. But I did feel disgusting, violated, dirty and unworthy. I blamed myself a lot, I still think if i had just walked away from the very start then I wouldn’t have felt so horrible.

I want others who have gone through the same to speak to someone. Anyone. I’m not strong enough to tell someone personally but I feel my blog is a good start. I don’t want pity from anyone who reads this, I just wanted to get it off my chest for the first time.

Sx

 

And Then There Was Oliver…

My disgust after Richard’s email had passed and I was back on the hunt for my sugar daddy. I selected the same options ‘I am a sugar baby [female] seeking a sugar daddy, age: from 25 to 50, region: New South Wales’ and crossed my fingers as I pressed search. The first page had the same men I had seen from before, maybe a couple of new profiles with no photos. I moved onto the next page and I quickly scrolled down to the bottom of the page, I was certain it was the same men from page 2 as last time.

But one new profile caught my eye. I scrolled back up, Oliver2958. He used a slightly angled head shot as his display picture, probably taken on his phone. Oliver had short dirty blonde hair, big blue grey eyes and a well defined chin. I was immediately drawn and clicked on his profile to learn more. He was 37, lived in the slightly west north shore, non smoker, and a social drinker. What was different though was his assets were double his income. I hadn’t seen such a large gap between income and assets, especially a higher asset value. I didn’t think too much about it though, my priority was the physical, then I’ll worry about compatibility and money.

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Since I was so use to receiving emails from men expressing interest, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ‘make the first move’. I didn’t want to come across to eager but at the same time I didn’t want Oliver to miss my profile, so I sent a wink option. That would definitely grab his attention without me having to write an awkward introduction email.

I continued to go through a few more pages, but after page 6 I gave up. The search results hadn’t changed too much and the new profiles with photos were appealing but I needed to see what they looked like. I logged into my Gmail and checked my emails. I got more emails from the website, spam from online boutiques and an email from Oliver2958. I opened it straight away, “He responded quickly” I thought, that must be a good sign.

Subject: Hello (SugarDaddyMeet.com)

Hello! I just was reading about you…thought you sounded very down to earth. Great pic too!
Was wondering if you liked the profile of me?

It wasn’t as detailed as Richard’s email but it certainly wasn’t as horrible as the first email I had received from ‘ECLECTICMAN’. I saw the date and time of the email and noticed he had sent the email 20 minutes before I even sent out the wink. Another sign! I didn’t even need to grab his attention, he had already noticed me.

I got another email from Oliver but this time in response to the wink.

Subject: wink

Hey – thanks for the wink! In fact I just sent you a message. Hope you got it…

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I hit reply, I couldn’t pass this opportunity.

Subject: Re: wink

Hey Oliver,
Yeah sorry didn’t see your message, but it’s a good sign I winked at you before seeing you message.

I’m interested in what you have to offer, I’m looking for something fun and interesting I guess.
Do you have any questions for me?
Summer xx

This was my first interaction with another member and I really had no clue how to structure my response. All I knew was I wanted Oliver to email back and the reply I sent should almost guarantee at least some sort of response. Little did I know it would be the start of an amazing sugar baby, sugar daddy relationship…

Sx