recap

Always The Victim

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I was re-watching ‘The Unit’ and an episode came up that just reminded me of what had happened to me last year. Firstly, The Unit is a great show, unfortunately it got axed but I hadn’t watched it in a couple of years. My perception of the episode a couple years back was completely innocent. But now… it’s just a horrible reminder of what happened a few weeks after my birthday.

Not to leave you all in suspense, but the story, no, the recount I’m about to tell will be given in more detail another time. For now, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I’ve sort of accepted it, well I accepted it a long time ago but it makes senses now to finally tell someone.

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I was on campus at our main library with 3 of my closest friends. It was just the start of the second semester last year and we thought we would be good and start our revisions early. We planned to study til late that day and I really wish I didn’t decide to lie to them and ‘quickly pop out to go meet a friend’. Me and Mr happinesseveryday from sugardaddymeet.com finally set a date to meet and he told me he could only see me in the city at 6pm. That later changed to 7pm and waiting around for his call at central turned it into 7:30pm.

I was being careful, yes it was getting late but the city is a busy place at that hour too. But when we met, he was sitting in his FWD at the carpark and it was freezing. I had a see through top and a pencil skirt on. A threw on my thin grey cardi but that still wasn’t enough. After much banter he convinced me to stay warm in his car. More banter and he convinced me he’d drive us to a coffee shop he knew. I was still naive and didn’t realise where we were going until he pulled into the drive way of a motel on Parramatta Rd.

By then I had started to try and leave. I didn’t know exactly where I was or how I was going to get back but I was scared. He passively persuaded me into his room and before I knew it he wanted my clothes off. We sat there for what felt like hours but was only half an hour going back and forth. I would say ‘no’ but he would go on and on trying to convince me why it makes sense to fuck an obese, 50 year old.

Let’s just say, he couldn’t convince me to screw him willingly, so he screwed me anyway.

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I didn’t cry after, I teared up during, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry the next day, or a month later. I have yet to waste my tears over it and I have yet to tell anyone. But I did feel disgusting, violated, dirty and unworthy. I blamed myself a lot, I still think if i had just walked away from the very start then I wouldn’t have felt so horrible.

I want others who have gone through the same to speak to someone. Anyone. I’m not strong enough to tell someone personally but I feel my blog is a good start. I don’t want pity from anyone who reads this, I just wanted to get it off my chest for the first time.

Sx

 

Seeking Arrangment

SugarDaddyMeet.com wasn’t working to well. Besides Oliver, all I had to choose from was a very young (in comparison to the hundreds of other 40-50 year old men), clingy Italian man and a couple of 40 married, slightly heavy men. I Googled ‘Sugar Daddy’ again and searched for a new website to sign up to, expand my search for a sugar daddy.

Seeking Arrangement caught my eye. I remember reading about it in a blog and a couple of internet reviews all recommending it. I had always thought it was an American website, but it was actually international. It was quite impressive; it was available to almost all countries around the world. The sign up was very simple at first glance, email, password and birthday. I filled those in quickly and it led me to a very long questionnaire to fill in. A part of me really didn’t want to go through another long questionnaire about myself, but most of the longer questions I had already wrote a response for SugarDaddyMeet. It didn’t actually take that long, and before I knew it, I sent my profile through for approval and uploaded the same photos I used for SugarDaddyMeet. I received instant access to the rest of the website but I wasn’t able to search. The confirmation email I received explained I needed my profile to be verified and approved before I could start searching, including two appropriate photos. Seeking Arrangement seemed more thorough, their website advertised verification of all members.

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It took two days for my profile to go through. Once my profile and photos got approved the emails started pouring in again. There was ‘Papabear’ a 50 something year old ‘pappy looking for a baby’. Gross isn’t it? Then I got a wink and a ‘Hello’ email from John who gave me permission to view his private photos. He only had one photo uploaded, a cropped image of his large, hairy beer gut stomach and oddly large brown nipples. And finally, a line up of men who used very old photos of themselves. There were those who took a photo of a photo with the flash still on, and there were those who scanned their old fashion print out photos. Seeking Arrangement wasn’t offering anything different to SugarDaddyMeet, it was just a little more professional.

Among all the emails from SugarDaddyMeet and SeekingArrangement a flagged ‘important’ email popped up. It was Oliver. I had marked all his emails as important and any future emails from him would stand out.

…No .. I’ve never had a sugarbaby before. Have you ever had a sugardaddy? 
Oh right .. how much time does escorting take up? I really wouldn’t know I can say in all honesty. So sugardaddymeet was a happy compromise for you? I’m afraid you probably have got offers of financial assistance greater than mine?  

Oliver x 
PS .. here is another pic if you like! It was taken recently in Solomon Islands .. 
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He didn’t explain why he hadn’t replied at his normal time but his casual reply soothed away the crazy scenarios I had pictured. It was late when I read the reply, I was relieved he had finally responded but exhausted with my side search for other sugar daddies. I took a peak at the photo he attached and almost jumped for joy. I still to this day don’t know what it was exactly that made this photo amazing, but I think it may have been the realness of the photo. A cloudy beach day, the wind passing through the trees in back and his hair. A wide eyed smile and casual beach wear. It was a little unfocused, the photo was probably taken by someone who didn’t really know how to use cameras. A very realistic photo of a very possible Sugar Daddy.
Sx
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300 DOLLARS

Over the course of just a day Oliver and I had exchanged a number of emails and I had already learnt so much about him and him about me.

Hi Summer

Yeah I was thinking the same thing – nice we contacted each other at the same time! 🙂

I guess I’d ask first of all what you do (study perhaps?) and where you live in Sydney? I’m at Rose Bay, so I guess I was hoping to find someone in the eastern suburbs.. ??

But I definitely agree with your approach of finding someone fun and interesting! Work is pretty busy for me these days, so would love someone friendly and easygoing I could meet up with once or twice a week and just hang out with. Hopefully someone a bit interesting! And yes, in return, I would offer an allowance.
Oliver x

I told him I was studying a Bachelor of Science full time at the University of Sydney and assured him I didn’t live to far from him. I asked about his work and what his busy schedule might look like.

Could you also expand on the allowance part?” My answers and questions were building to one topic really. I was curious how much he would want to pay for a newbie. I didn’t want to suggest an amount first just in case it was too low and I miss out on extra cash.

Hey again!

That’s cool – studying science at Sydney! 🙂  
You’re not too far away! Sounds possible anyway .. Do you live with your folks?
I work for the NSW Parliament and it can be busy work, especially when parliament sits late into the evening.

And responding to your question, I guess in an ideal world, you could come over once a week after uni (maybe Monday evenings because parliament definitely doesn’t sit late that night). I know the nature of the site – sure I’d love a partner, and in return would offer you say $300? But as you say – I would hope to genuinely get on with you as a friend too. And I’m sure I could drive you home too if you caught the bus from Sydney uni to Rose Bay.

Oliver x

I took my phone out and hit the calculator app. Oliver wasn’t very clear how long an evening would be. If it was a couple of hours I would be making a lot of money an hour. But if an evening included dinner and entertainment like a movie or a ‘long walk along the beach’, that would take about a generous 5 hours. Then I would only be making $60 an hour. However it was still a lot higher than my wage as a sales assistant and I would just get to hang out with a new friend and be paid to do so. ‘I guess for a newbie $300 is a good start.’

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We continued emailing throughout the week. Oliver would normally reply towards the end of the day, around 6 or 7 in the evening. I assumed it was on the way home after work because it almost seemed it would fit into his busy schedule. I asked more about his work and eventually we got on to the topic of why we were both on the site.

‘Professional girls’ were discouraged quite strongly on the website. When signing up there was a warning advising anyone who was a professional prostitute or escort using the website to find work would face legal consequences. Even on a few profiles, men would add a small side note asking not to be contacted by these girls. So I didn’t want  to come off as one these girls and lose a great opportunity but at the same time I wasn’t like them.

There are lots of things I’d be curious to know about you. But perhaps not being too intrusive, why did you join this site? You don’t have a boyfriend at the moment?
Oliver x

Well to be honest, there are two reasons, the first being the concept of the site. It’s very intriguing and different and I like that! Second, it’s an alternative to what I was going to go into previously. No boyfriend at the moment, I haven’t met the right person yet. I know that sounds very cheesy but it’s the main reason. 

May I ask why you joined the site?
Summer Xx

Ha ha .. yes the concept of the site is a bit intriguing. Different to normal dating sites anyway! What were you going to go into previously if I can ask? An RSVP-type site?

I joined just to try something different. I joined after my last relationship ended. That was a while ago now, but now trying to give this site a proper go! 🙂

Btw – if you’d like to chat more by email, rather than here, my address is opet5892@hotmail.com
Oliver xx

How do I explain to a complete stranger I was thinking of becoming a prostitute?Honesty is usually the best policy, but stretching the truth works better sometimes. I replaced prostitute with escort and my response was already looking less seedy.

Hey, 

Hope i got the email address right, or else this might get awkward hahaha 

Have you ever had a ‘sugarbaby’ before? 

I was going to go into private escorting, but that required way to much time. Time that i didn’t have. Financial assistance was another reason I joined the site. Forgot to mention that before. hahaha

Summer xx

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The evening came and I hadn’t received an email from Oliver like usual. I was a little worried Oliver thought the ‘escorting’ was a little too much, but it was still early and he did mention he was a busy man. My phone would go off with Facebook messages and WhatsApp notifications but no email notification. Midnight approached and I still didn’t receive anything from Oliver. I had class the next day and couldn’t afford to stay up any later.

I closed my eyes and curled up in my sheets.My brain lit up and started going through the possible scenarios that would stop Oliver from emailing me. He was just stranger but he had already made an influence on my life.

Sx

And Then There Was Oliver…

My disgust after Richard’s email had passed and I was back on the hunt for my sugar daddy. I selected the same options ‘I am a sugar baby [female] seeking a sugar daddy, age: from 25 to 50, region: New South Wales’ and crossed my fingers as I pressed search. The first page had the same men I had seen from before, maybe a couple of new profiles with no photos. I moved onto the next page and I quickly scrolled down to the bottom of the page, I was certain it was the same men from page 2 as last time.

But one new profile caught my eye. I scrolled back up, Oliver2958. He used a slightly angled head shot as his display picture, probably taken on his phone. Oliver had short dirty blonde hair, big blue grey eyes and a well defined chin. I was immediately drawn and clicked on his profile to learn more. He was 37, lived in the slightly west north shore, non smoker, and a social drinker. What was different though was his assets were double his income. I hadn’t seen such a large gap between income and assets, especially a higher asset value. I didn’t think too much about it though, my priority was the physical, then I’ll worry about compatibility and money.

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Since I was so use to receiving emails from men expressing interest, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ‘make the first move’. I didn’t want to come across to eager but at the same time I didn’t want Oliver to miss my profile, so I sent a wink option. That would definitely grab his attention without me having to write an awkward introduction email.

I continued to go through a few more pages, but after page 6 I gave up. The search results hadn’t changed too much and the new profiles with photos were appealing but I needed to see what they looked like. I logged into my Gmail and checked my emails. I got more emails from the website, spam from online boutiques and an email from Oliver2958. I opened it straight away, “He responded quickly” I thought, that must be a good sign.

Subject: Hello (SugarDaddyMeet.com)

Hello! I just was reading about you…thought you sounded very down to earth. Great pic too!
Was wondering if you liked the profile of me?

It wasn’t as detailed as Richard’s email but it certainly wasn’t as horrible as the first email I had received from ‘ECLECTICMAN’. I saw the date and time of the email and noticed he had sent the email 20 minutes before I even sent out the wink. Another sign! I didn’t even need to grab his attention, he had already noticed me.

I got another email from Oliver but this time in response to the wink.

Subject: wink

Hey – thanks for the wink! In fact I just sent you a message. Hope you got it…

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I hit reply, I couldn’t pass this opportunity.

Subject: Re: wink

Hey Oliver,
Yeah sorry didn’t see your message, but it’s a good sign I winked at you before seeing you message.

I’m interested in what you have to offer, I’m looking for something fun and interesting I guess.
Do you have any questions for me?
Summer xx

This was my first interaction with another member and I really had no clue how to structure my response. All I knew was I wanted Oliver to email back and the reply I sent should almost guarantee at least some sort of response. Little did I know it would be the start of an amazing sugar baby, sugar daddy relationship…

Sx

Hot Billionaire, Where Are You?

‘About me.’ Hmm, that was tricky to fill in. ‘I’m a single 2- year old student who enjoys a mix of indoor and outdoor activities…’ delete. I wanted to sound some what professional but still be myself.

‘I’m a single 2- year old student, barely scrapping through life hahaha. My degree isn’t too demanding so I’m quite flexible with time at the moment. But just after something different, casual, fun and exciting. I have a wide range of interests, a mixer of outdoor adventures, indoor dinning or even just lunch would be lovely. But up for anything at the moment. Don’t hesitate to message me if we’re after the same thing!(Ps When I say I’m 5’9″, I’m closer to 5’10”. I’m quite tall, and that can be difficult for some people. Just keep that in mind. Don’t want to shock you when I meet you 🙂 )’.

I read it over, double checked my spelling and sent it through. I wasn’t 100% happy with it but I wanted to start searching for my sugar daddy. ‘I am a sugar baby [female] seeking a sugar daddy, age: from 25 to 50, region: New South Wales’. Then I pressed search. My internet seemed slower than usual, the anticipation was killing me.

Top of the list was ‘inneedoffun’, he was 39, married and earns $200,000+. He looked okay; his photo was a little small and blurry though. But he was married, and I could never get in the middle of a marriage.

There were just an endless lists of balding men, men older than my dad, and the rest had no photos what so ever or just very vague dodgy profiles. “Maybe I have to refine my search a little more.” So I went back and lowered the age down to a maximum of 40. Forty is a better age, old enough to have peaked in their career resulting in lots of income but young enough to not be greying and still look hot. Same sort of results came up, just less men with grey hair and more profiles with no photos. It was getting late and I had a full day coming up. Clearly my search for a rich George Clooney look-alike wasn’t going to happen immediately. So I turned my laptop off and went back to bed.Image

The first few days I watched my phone and laptop, checking my Gmail account every 5 minutes. That morning I woke up after finalising my account, I had been flooded with winks, being put on to a favourites list and emails expressing interests. I was quite surprised at the response, I didn’t think the cliché ‘struggling university student’ charade would be appealing. But at the same time I had made myself as general as possible to keep my options opened and be able to choose from a wider selection of men.

My first email was from ECLECTICMAN. He was just as old as my dad, but a lot wealthier.

how are you,so tell me more about your slef.do u have more pics 
lets meet,few Lychee martinis,fun etc 
————–@gmail.com 

All I could think was ‘you have got to be fucking kidding me’. The man has no clue about grammar, doesn’t even double check what he’s written. I was blown away at the idea that someone claiming to have an infinite bank account could write such an unattractive message.

I opened up another email, with subject: Fun times.

Hi I’m Matt and I would love to chat and get to know you. I am looking for someone who is fun, passionate, adventurous, open-minded and with a good sense of humour. I will spoil her in many ways and I have a lot to offer. I hope you are interested in knowing more so message me and lets see if we hit it off. 
Matt

It was an improvement. Grammar was significantly better, the message was more thought out. So I checked out Matt’s profile. Sydney, 39, income not disclosed, 5’6”, non-smoker.  Not too bad, except when I enlarged his picture, I closed his profile down almost straight away. He wasn’t lock the door and throw away the key hideous; but he was losing his hair, a few extra pounds around his waist to be polite; he looked like one of my girlfriend’s dad. I kept Matt as an option, but I was sure there would be more out there suited to my taste.

I received an essay long email from Richard. I didn’t want to bother reading the whole because the first thing I noticed was his age, 65. From the little small icon sized photo profile photo I could already see his hair was white, not grey with a little bit of black, not grey, all white. He wore a blue shirt a couple sizes to big probably because of his very skinny frame and he was at that age where his posture couldn’t stay straight. I don’t try to be picky, I don’t mean to be picky and when I am, I believe I have a right to be picky. This man was 65 years old and uses the $2.50 pensioner transport ticket. He mentioned having coffee, and intelligent conversations. Then as I got sucked into reading more, he slipped in ‘sex’. I was not about to go on coffee dates with a 65 pensioner let alone have sex with him. I didn’t even know men that age could still have sex. Why does a 65 year old want a 20 something year old. Richard’s email lead me to take a short break from all the emails.

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 I had spent every possible waking moment carefully going through every email I received. Sorting them from into ‘Urgh no way’, ‘Maybe’ and ‘Ooo definitely a cutie’. I went and bought a little small, cheap notebook from the newsagent and scribbled their names, age and location down. Then I marked in red what category I thought they belonged in and the reasons why. It was hard filling the ‘Ooo definitely a cutie’ section. Most that expressed interest were either too old, too fat, or too creepy. It was hard trying to find a guy young enough to still look attractive but old enough to still be able to afford me.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting a man who I would find revolting to get so close to me. There’s only so much fake laughing and smiling I could possibly do and if I wanted a long term sugar daddy, sugar baby arrangement then I needed someone I would feel comfortable around, and the first step to achieving that would be to find a decent looking man. It seemed the smoking hot billionaire was a little out of reach.

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Sx

Offically a Sugarbaby

“Don’t tell anyone.” I rolled my eyes. Why would I tell anyone I was thinking of becoming a prostitute? I locked my phone and threw it into my bag. I spent the entire train ride home in my own world. I was lucky I didn’t miss my stop. The only thing that was really going through my head was the $150 an hour I would make. My mind was battling between what I always thought was wrong, a job that only the lowest of the low do. Girls, who dropped out of high school, got knocked up and needed an easy job. I’m not a high school dropout; I attend one of Australia’s best universities. But WHY does it seem so wrong? I couldn’t understand. It’s just another job, it’s a service, a service that would easily fund my current expensive lifestyle and even possibly my future. Two sides of my brain were fighting, and wasn’t closer to making a decision.

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You know how in movies, the best friend always says ‘Just sleep on it, promise ?’ when it came to the main protagonist having to make a plot twisting decision. Well that’s what I did. My logical side told me to sleep on it.

Thank goodness I did, because that night my mind wondered into other possible branches similar to prostitution. I sat up, fumbled through the dark to turn on my laptop.

From Google, escorting seemed to just be the same thing but better pay. As I was scrolling through the search page I noticed ‘sugar daddy’ on the right side. I wasn’t 100% sure what a sugar daddy was, I just knew it would be something similar to gold digging, and I had always joked about becoming a gold digger. So I started looking more into the world of sugar daddies. I typed “Sugar daddy” into Google and a long list of websites helping older rich men look for young attractive intelligent women who need financial help came up. “Dating service, cater[ing] specifically to those seeking Mutually Beneficial relationships”, “No Cheap Sugar Daddies. Meet only Millionaires.” and “The Largest Site for Sugar Daddy Dating” flooded my screen.

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Those websites weren’t very helpful, I still didn’t really understand what a sugar daddy was. I refined my search and found blog after blog from both men and women and their point of view of being a sugar daddy or sugar baby. It was such an interesting world I was delving into. I found stories of women finding great, successful men who would help financially fund their lives. They spoke of amazing nights having long, bonding conversations about their lives and interests. It seemed like being a sugar baby didn’t involve sex. I never came across a single story that mentioned a sugar baby having sex with their handsome rich sugar daddy.

It was decided.

I went back to my ‘sugar daddy’ search page and clicked on the first online website for sugar daddy’s, sugardaddymeet.com. The website layout was more like a forum but was still professional. I was determined to give it a proper go. I’ve always been a natural at talking to strangers, making others feel comfortable and I’d like to think I was some what attractive. So I filled in my details, Summer Smith, 2- years of age, 5’9”, slim, you know the usual stuff. And as I was waiting for my profile to go through,  I pictured a handsome, tall, blue eyed 30 year old. A smile grew across my face, this might actually work. This could be my new job, entertaining older men for money without the sex. Or maybe getting fuck with a slightly older hottie.

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Well so I thought…

Sx

The Start

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Early August 2013, the second semester had just started. I turned 20 something a few weeks before, still on holiday mode. I remember this day SO clearly…

I finished my last class for the day and headed to the computer lab to meet with one of my closest friends, Hue (he’ll be making many appearances in the future). We agreed to do some work before we went home, but I didn’t get a lot done that afternoon.

I walked into the lab and gave Hue a huge side hug, I hadn’t seen him for about 4 hours. Before I could even log in, I heard one of Hue’s friends calling my name from the other side of the room. Jamie, special guy. He’s rude, loud, rich, but surprisingly quite fun to be around. I hadn’t seen him since last semester, so we did the quick how are you, how was your mid semester break, what’d you get up to? You know the usual stuff. Then he just casually slips in “Did you bang anyone?”. I jokingly scrunched my face into a disappointed, revolted look. Then I told him quickly about a one night stand I had with some guy at The Star. He wasn’t my smartest conquest, a total tool but what else does one expect picking up a random?

But then all of a sudden Jamie’s expression just changed. “Okay you can’t tell anyone this. Like no one.” I nodded, quite confused.

“Seriously, you can’t tell anyone.”

“Okay! I get it Jamie!” I shouted. He leaned in and actually whispered conspiratorially “I know this guy who runs the main prostituting joint in Kings Cross.” then paused. I think he was waiting for some kind of response but I didn’t say anything, just stared at him. He continued,“If you want I can get you in.”.

I had no idea what else to say. What do you say to that? Yeah I slept around, but I wasn’t going to sell myself for money. I wouldn’t sink that low. “Um, What?”.

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Jamie just kept going, “You can either work in the hotel he owns and clients will come to you, or you can be driven to client’s homes by a driver. It’s relatively safe. Someone will know your whereabouts the whole time.” And before I could think, I opened my mouth “How much would I get paid?”  I do not know why but that had actually came out of my mouth.

“I think its $150 an hour. You’d get a few clients per night but wouldn’t have to work every night. You’ll be rotated every few weeks. Depends on how many girls there are.” I didn’t tell him to stop talking.  It became more and more intriguing with every detail Jamie gave me. I grew more curious, and flashes from episodes of ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ went through my head. I’d get to explore all my sexual desires, with hot men with money and great bodies, and get paid for it, paid very well.

I still hadn’t said too much back to Jamie. “Just think about it. Like don’t decide now. I’m going to have lunch with him today, so I’ll ask him about it for you.”

The only thing running through my mind at that point was: what if I’m not even that good at sex? Why would anyone want to pay for bad sex?’ Was it wrong that at the time, that it was my only real concern? I finally stopped daydreaming and spoke, “Yeah, I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know tomorrow?’

“Yeah sure. I’ll try and find out some more stuff today.” Jamie walked back to his computer and I just looked back at my computer screen, staring aimlessly at the desktop screen. What the fuck had just happened?

Sx

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